EvergreenBy Oliver Baez Bendorf
What still grows in winter?
Fingernails of witches and femmes,
green moss on river rocks,
lit with secrets... I let myself
go near the river but not
the railroad: this is my bargain.
Water boils in a kettle in the woods
and I can hear the train grow louder
but I also can't, you know?
Then I'm shaving in front of an
unbreakable mirror while a nurse
watches over my shoulder.
Damn. What still grows in winter?
Lynda brought me basil I crushed
with my finger and thumb just to
smell the inside of a thing. So
I go to the river but not the rail-
road, think I'll live another year.
The river rock dig into my shoulders
like a lover who knows I don’t want
power. I release every muscle against
the rock and I give it all my warmth.
onto my chest quick as table salt.
Branches above me full of pine needle
whips: when the river rock is done
with me, I could belong to the evergreen.
Safety is a rock I throw into the river.
My body, ready. Don’t even think
a train run through this town anymore.
On Thursday my computer finally finished synchronizing everything from my Google Drive and backup hard drive, so I could get back to my photo scanning project once I was done writing various things. I'm about a quarter of a way through 1994, the point where I have to take apart albums to get out the photos to scan, which will keep them safe from plastic pages but I wonder whether I'll ever look at the physical photos again. We took a walk because it was gorgeous out -- no bunnies but the deer were back in the same spot in the woods -- and ate early so we could have a Zoom family call that ended up including my parents, Adam, my Uncle Mickey, his children Felicia, Allison, and Garrett, and some spouses and children wandering through.
Plus I talked to my sister, Nicole, on the phone. Blindspot
was back in the evening, sadly having killed off a character I really liked (and I'm not sure I'm in the mood for a giant government conspiracy, I miss the first season when it was specific storylines about Jane and Kurt. Afterward, we watched the first episode of Hollywood
, in large part for Patti LuPone and not the male nudity though there was plenty of eye candy, but I can already tell the show romanticizes both a Hollywood era (no racism, really?) and prostitution, so I'm not sure how long watching the series will last. I feel like I really did not properly enjoy the cherry blossoms this spring, so here are some photos from back when were still visiting local parks: