By Jorie Graham
Over a dock railing, I watch the minnows, thousands, swirl
themselves, each a minuscule muscle, but also, without the
way to create current, making of their unison (turning, re-
entering and exiting their own unison in unison) making of themselves a
visual current, one that cannot freight or sway by
minutest fractions the water's downdrafts and upswirls, the
dockside cycles of finally-arriving boat-wakes, there where
they hit deeper resistance, water that seems to burst into
itself (it has those layers) a real current though mostly
invisible sending into the visible (minnows) arrowing
motion that forces change--
this is freedom. This is the force of faith. Nobody gets
what they want. Never again are you the same. The longing
is to be pure. What you get is to be changed. More and more by
each glistening minute, through which infinity threads itself,
also oblivion, of course, the aftershocks of something
at sea. Here, hands full of sand, letting it sift through
in the wind, I look in and say take this, this is
what I have saved, take this, hurry. And if I listen
now? Listen, I was not saying anything. It was only
something I did. I could not choose words. I am free to go.
I cannot of course come back. Not to this. Never.
It is a ghost posed on my lips. Here: never.
I didn't leave many comments today because I stopped reading posts. The suicide threat was the last straw. I know people are hurt and angry -- I think I spent more time crying than Kerry spent waiting for the Ohio votes to be counted. Some people want immediate activism while other people need a few days to recharge and lick wounds, and some people are giving don't-despair pep talks while others are complaining that's easy for them to say, and there even seem to be a couple of people on my default list who voted for Bush to whom I can't really see the point in saying anything at all right now, but obviously we're going to have to communicate if we're going to fix this country. Plus I really have nothing to say to non-US citizens who seem to think that everyone in the USA is responsible for the state of the world at present -- I did everything in my personal power to get Bush out, short of emptying my children's college funds which I knew they were going to need particularly if he won, so insulting every single voter in my country is not going to accomplish anything. Someone please show me a country that's perfect both internally and as a member of the world community -- I'd love to see one.
So put me in the "yes, things must be done, but I'll find the energy for it tomorrow because I haven't got it today" category. vertigo66 linked me to Margaret Cho who made me feel somewhat better for awhile, as did The Onion with its coverage of America's fledgling democracies. But my major cheering-up point of the day was lunch with gblvr, originally scheduled for a Thai place, moved because of my finicky stomach, then proposed for the restaurant where I was eating at 9 a.m. on September 11, 2001 which I couldn't handle, and then tentatively relocated to the Cheesecake Factory...but that was where I ate the morning after the Bush-Gore election!
Since we were both pleading exhaustion after it was all over, we ended up in my living room and watched Passionada. The film itself is quite enjoyable; I was in New Bedford this summer, so I loved getting to see it, plus Jason Isaacs is quite adorable and Sofia Milos is very sexy. This DVD in particular reminds me so much of why I love the medium: in addition to the movie itself, we got to watch the lengthy alternate ending, and then we watched a little bit of the sexy parts with the commentary on. Let me tell you, as sexy as Jason is kissing his way up Sofia's arm in the film, it's ten times better with Jason and Sofia laughing about how hot everyone got during that scene and how, if the director had not yelled cut, god only knows what would have happened. And then they were discussing the conception of his child during the scene where their characters are in bed together...this is just so sweet and delightful.
Yeah, fandom is a form of denial, but we weren't in any state to start the revolution today. Three hours of obliviousness can do wonders to recharge one's batteries in the short term, I find, and in such a frame of mind I watched Smallville and The West Wing tonight. Want to know where I can sign up to watch a TV show about a Republican president while there's a Democrat in the White House, rather than vice versa. It's funny, because I've gotten somewhat bored with TWW and stopped watching at various points, but when things get terrible enough I always go back. The Middle East storyline has been holding my interest and Jed and Leo made me all sniffly.
My other point of fannish joy today was provided by evildrem, who sent me a bunch of Russell Crowe movies including For the Moment, Spotswood and Love In Limbo which I have never even met anyone who owned on DVD! I know there are people on my friends list who are also friends of the aforementioned Evil Em -- if you were me, and you wanted to do something nice for her but you knew absolutely nothing about Highlander, what would you do? Send me recs! I can ship via amazon.co.uk if necessary. And, locals, we have new Crowe to indulge -- perkypaduan, agentirish, this means you.
Another photo from Scotts Run. (If you are wondering why there were no photos of Maximus from our trip to Hanover, he never put in an appearance; there were trees being planted on the hill where he lives, so there were many people walking around, and moreover my in-laws thought he might already be hibernating.)