November 17th, 2002

little review

Undead Viggo

So I've been complaining that in like every movie I've ever seen Viggo Mortensen besides the obvious (Daylight, Albino Alligator, Perfect Murder, Deception, etc.) he ends up...well, not wanting to leave any spoilers...let's just say he ends up in a condition that makes his character a less than ideal prospect for further fantasy.

So tonight, after a long afternoon of getting haircuts for the kids in a mobbed Cartoon Cuts and then my son's post-season soccer party and awarding of trophies, I needed to do something semi-adult. So we watched The Prophecy.

WHY WHY WHY did no one ever tell me that Viggo is the Devil? I mean Christ, I knew I was going to Hell already, but I did not need this kind of incentive!

I thought he was kidding in that interview where he said he had a sex scene with Christopher Walken in The Prophecy. He LICKED him! I'm sorry, I am going to be hyperventilating over that image for days. And he grabbed Elias Koteas from behind and ohhgod I can't even write about this coherently. Viggo Mortensen in wicked homoerotic scenes. Someone please explain to me why everyone in the movie did not want to go to Hell...



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divineway said here that "The image of Viggo as the Devil kinda makes you not want to use the phrase 'go to hell' on just anyone...I'd tell you to go to hell as long as you returned the favor!"

GOOD REASONS TO GO TO HELL:

1) Viggo Mortensen in The Prophecy
2) Matt Damon and Ben Affleck in Dogma
3) Robert Beltran in El Diablo
4) Gabriel Byrne in End of Days
5) Rutger Hauer (I'm not sure if he ever actually played the devil, but you just know he's going to be there)

Also:

6) Lee Remick in Damn Yankees
7) Elizabeth Hurley in Bedazzled
8) Glenn Close in 101 Dalmatians (okay, she's De Vil, not the devil, but close enough
9) Anjelica Huston (didn't exactly play the devil in The Witches but she's going to be there too and I get dibs on her)
10) Louise Fletcher in Deep Space Nine (she's actually burning in the Fire Caves, not Hell, but close enough for me)


Callisto ended up in Heaven, didn't she. Drat. Is Caesar a.k.a. Karl Urban still in Hell in the Xenaverse?

Got the quote I wanted last night, my favorite line from The Prophecy -- Christopher Walken's Gabriel to Viggo Mortensen's Devil --
"Lucifer, sitting in your basement, sulking over your breakup with the boss."

I'm just back from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Ohhhgod the Lucius Malfoy/Severus Snape possibilities. Why didn't anyone warn me??!!!