The Lammas Hireling
By Ian Duhig
After the fair, I'd still a light heart
and a heavy purse, he struck so cheap.
And cattle doted on him: in his time
mine only dropped heifers, fat as cream.
Yields doubled. I grew fond of company
that knew when to shut up. Then one night,
disturbed from dreams of my dear late wife,
I hunted down her torn voice to his pale form.
Stock-still in the light from the dark lantern,
stark-naked but for one bloody boot of fox-trap,
I knew him a warlock, a cow with leather horns.
To go into the hare gets you muckle sorrow,
the wisdom runs, muckle care. I levelled
and blew the small hour through his heart.
The moon came out. By its yellow witness
I saw him fur over like a stone mossing.
His lovely head thinned. His top lip gathered.
His eyes rose like bread. I carried him
in a sack that grew lighter at every step
and dropped him from a bridge. There was no
splash. Now my herd's elf-shot. I don't dream
but spend my nights casting ball from half-crowns
and my days here. Bless me Father for I have sinned.
It has been an hour since my last confession.
A blessed harvest, everyone. And now for some HP silliness:
HP Book: Prisoner of Azkaban
HP Character: Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, I refuse to choose
Hogwarts House: Hufflepuff (though I'm nearly always sorted into Ravenclaw)
Creature: Blast-ended Skrewt
Candy: Chocolate Frogs
Book Cover: POA
Quote or Phrase: Just the line about how Remus and Sirius jointly got Harry a Christmas present makes me grin widely.
Chapter: The Shrieking Shack scene, played out over two chapters in POA
Marauder: James, actually. Most fun to read about.
Type of Owl: Howler!
Sorting Hat Song: The one from OOTP about peace between Houses
Muggle/Squib: Mrs. Figg
Dragon: The one Harry flew in GOF
Member of the Order: Remus
Hogsmeade Shop: Zonkos
Favorite Magazine or Newspaper: The Quibbler (would love to write for it)
Color Dress Robe: Forest green
Invisibility Cloak Event: Fake!Moody being able to see through it
Death Eater: If Snape doesn't count, then Lucius Malfoy
Obstacle in the Philosopher's Stone: The room of keys
Wand Type: Wood? Werewolf. Oops. Birch. *g*
Spell: Expecto patronum
Unforgivable Curse: Crucio
DADA Teacher: Lupin, of course
Ravenclaw: Luna Lovegood
Quidditch Position: Seeker
Skiving Snackbox: Puking Pastilles
Pensieve Memory: Snape's worst
Harry or Ron: Harry
Ron or Hermione: Hermione
Hermione or Cho: Hermione
Cho or Ginny: Ginny
Dumbledore or McGonagall: McGonagall
Snape or Lucius: Snape
Sirius or Lupin: Both, preferably at the same time
Draco or Tom: Tom
Draco or Harry: Harry (please!)
Snape or Sirius: Sirius
James or Sirius: Sirius, though he could bring James
Fred or George: Both, preferably at the same time (oh god I did not say that)
Molly Weasley or Arthur Weasley: Arthur
Seamus or Dean: Dean
Fleur or Cho: Cho (Fleur is a token sexy bimbo)
Fudge or Umbridge: Fudge (how could anyone choose Umbridge for anything? I'd take Bellatrix or Lucius over Umbridge!)
Harry or Hermione: Harry, though it's close
Hedwig or Crookshanks: Crookshanks
Uncle Vernon or Aunt Petunia: Aunt Petunia
Moody or Tonks: Tonks for fun, Moody in a crisis
Plus ashinae told me about Undressable Remus! (Say you're Sirius.) And I can't remember where I found out about Pirate Monkeys Inc's Mary Sue comic but make sure to read all five pages, especially if you're an LOTR fan.
Yesterday after I had to hold down the Trek Nation fort because my editor's computer had died (that's why I never heard from him the other day), we went out to dinner with my parents. My seven-year-old was acting like a three-year-old. Unfortunately so was my father. I could have handled one three-year-old, but not two. I ended up missing dessert to take the seven-year-old for a walk, and we ended up in a party goods store discussing other disgusting flavors of Bertie Botts Beans they could have marketed. The store owner gave said son a balloon and everything was fine.
And as long as I'm spamming the hell out of this entry, I might as well announce that have pointed ears! Though this is totally untrue!
You're a Vulcan! Cool and collected, you represent
the epitome of self control.
What Star Trek Race Are You?
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